As we enter into Spring, I find myself wondering about the 10 lbs I've accumulated this past winter, and whether or not it's going to be worth the effort for me to rid myself of some (or all) of them. I haven't dieted much in my life, but from what few experiences I've had with it, I've always been a bit bewildered by the sinister way that the shedding of pounds is often correlated with an alarming acquisition of neuroses.
It's like I'm trading in a few pounds for weeks of mental agonizing over ridiculously detailed stuff. What should I eat for lunch? Does that restaurant have a low calorie option? How many fat grams are in this? If I add five minutes on the stair climber, will this cancel out?
I'm pretty sure the above mentality is the exact opposite of what Jesus had in mind in Matthew 6:25, when he said "Do not worry about your life, as to what you will eat or drink..." Obviously we need to take care of our bodies, but sometimes what looks like vigilant healthy eating is often not something that is truly healthy for us, both mentally and physically. A genuinely healthy diet should be freeing. We should be full of energy and feel happy about our food choices. The focus shouldn't be on how our bodies look, it should be on how WE FEEL. Exercise should be something that brings us a sense of accomplishment, not a burden or "punishment" because we ate too many oreos.
The modern "diet diva" of this day and age is more like a dietary pharisee. She looks like she is being healthy and doing things for the right reasons. But she's all show. She's thin, but inside she's a mess. Her thoughts are a jumbled train wreck of anxiety and calorie counting. And let's be honest, NOBODY LIKES HER.
That's right, I said it. Thin women who scrape the frosting off their cake and order dressing on the side annoy the hell out of the rest of us women. And it's not because these women are skinnier than the rest of us. It's because they are behaving neurotically. They are living, breathing reminders of that propensity all women have to throw common sense out the window and let neurotic impulses take over.
Watching an anorexic-looking woman pick at a salad gives me the same uncomfortable feeling I get when I watch movies like Fatal Attraction. I KNOW Glenn Close's character is crazy, but I identify with the feelings of rejection and longing that drove her to neurotic stalking of Michael Douglas. In the same way, I know that extreme dieters are out of control and crazy, but I identify with the feelings of wanting to be gloriously thin and to establish control over some area of my life. And that scares me.
This Spring, I'm saying "No" to neuroses, and "Yes" to my health. I want to get in shape, and feel better about what I eat. I want to have more energy. I don't know if this will mean gaining weight, losing weight, or maintaining where I'm at. And I don't care. The important thing is for me to feel healthy, happy, and free to focus on the things I care about in my life (and that definitely doesn't include calculating how many grams of fiber are in my bran muffin).
Here's to a happy, healthy, set-free Spring!
